We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
