just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
