Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
