I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
