Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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