needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
