Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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