i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
