I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
