i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
