you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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