After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
