Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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