Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
