I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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