Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
