I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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