So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
