Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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