If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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