sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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