Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
