on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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