Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
