..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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