we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
