I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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