I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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