butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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