I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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