I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
