I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
