I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
