I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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