remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize