I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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