I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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