My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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