but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
