I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
