Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
