you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A+ Viking dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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