Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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