have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
