On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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