Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
