I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
