So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
