i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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