I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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