paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
