I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
