She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sober January is a disaster.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We were destined to go to rehab together
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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