You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
