Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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