Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
