I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's blow job season.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
