plz talk dirty to me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
