Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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