ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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