this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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