yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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