are you still at the devil's house?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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